Help Her to Tell

The majority of women who contact MWSS say that they had heard about the service first from a family member or friend.

Here are some things that indicate that a woman may be experiencing domestic violence:

She is afraid of her partner or husband
When it comes to her husband/partner, she always seems to be “walking on eggshells”
She has unexplained and frequent injuries
She seems to have little or no control over what goes on in the relationship/family
She has to account to her husband/partner for money she spends
She has to account to her husband/partner for her whereabouts
She has become very isolated from family and friends
She has stopped going to work/college and social activities

Don’t ignore your intuition. If a woman does not disclose you can ask her again at a later date. Asking more than once increases the likelihood that a woman will tell. Only encourage a woman to tell if you are prepared to listen to her and help her.
Approach her in an understanding, non-blaming way
Explain to her that she is not alone and that there are many women like her in the same situation
Acknowledge that it takes strength to trust someone enough to talk to them about experiencing abuse
Give her time to talk; don’t push her to go into too much detail if she doesn’t want to
Tell her that no-one deserves to be threatened or beaten, despite what her abuser has told her. Nothing she can do or say can justify the abuser’s behaviour

Focus on her safety
Take the abuse seriously, women who experience domestic violence are often in real physical danger and may be experiencing emotional and sexual abuse.
The abuser will see any attempts to access safety as a challenge to his control and he may retaliate.
Remember the most dangerous time for a woman is when she tries to leave. Plan safe strategies (see ‘What is Domestic Violence’ – Safety Planning)
Never tell a woman or pressurise a woman to do anything.
Trust that the woman knows best, what is safe and unsafe for her and her children.
Don’t focus on trying to work out why he abuses her. Focus on what can be done to protect the woman.
Encourage her to contact MWSS, local Gardai or local Family Resource Centre.
Be non-judgemental and respect a woman’s decisions. You may not understand or agree with the choices a woman makes but it is important that a woman will not feel judged by you.
Look after yourself while you are supporting someone through such a difficult and emotional time. Ensure that you do not put yourself or her into a dangerous situation; for example, do not offer to talk to the abuser

Supporting women and children to live free from domestic violence.